she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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