Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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