i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
