yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
