Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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