I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
