she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
