yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
