Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
