I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
