Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize