well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
