After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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