I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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