It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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