Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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