I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize