i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
