U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
