pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
