Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
