So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize