i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
