haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need help removing her.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
