Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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