i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
