Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize