Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
