Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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