So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
