he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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