A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
