I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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