theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
