I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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