I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
