Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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