IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
