I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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