I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
