based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
