She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
