At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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