He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize