I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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