I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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