He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
