you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
