the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
