grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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