Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
