She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
