i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
