i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
