He uses pillows to masturbate.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize