I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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