party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize