Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
