I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
