Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
