I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
