everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
