What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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