I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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