Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
