Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
