i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
