I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
